Dementia and Me

I wrote this poem because there is a constant fight between my dementia and me every day and sometimes its just exhausting.

Dementia and Me

Sometimes I think there is a race
Between my dementia and me
Although it is going at a slow pace
I still wish I was free

My memory used to be hot
Especially with knowledge and spelling
Now I am really not
My brain is its new dwelling

It is like having an alien residing in my brain
At times it takes control
And I feel a lot of strain
As my memories unroll

What did happen yesterday or last week
I really don’t remember
I sigh as everything looks bleak
Since I was diagnosed in December

I want to yell and scream
And tell it to go away
Maybe it is all a dream
But then again I know it will be okay

Because I am a fighter
And in control
And have become a writer
Even though I am not on a pay role

I retired as a nurse in May
Even now that is becoming a distant memory
But at least I can be gay
But the dementia still takes my energy

I hate feeling tired all the time
Having to pace myself
But I am still in my prime
Even though the books remain on the shelf

I miss reading and listening to music
Remembering and concentrating is really hard
But at least I am still lucid
And still write the odd card

My perception of things is often off
I stumble and my speech is sometimes slurred
I worry that people might then scoff
But at least my vision doesn’t get blurred

Damn you dementia! I want to yell
I want to get cross and stamp my feet
But it is only a short spell
Then I feel a bit of a cheat

As the dementia has no voice
It can neither see or hear
And I know I have a choice
But sometimes I wish I was a seer

To see how long, I have before the dementia takes over
But I think I wish to live my life to the best of my ability
And I could never be a rover
And at least I prefer some tranquility

So although my life is a fight
Between the dementia and me
I will win just out of spite
And kick the dementia with glee

©Tracey Shorthouse 2016